Dedication

I once read this interview with Lisa Koll and the interviewer asked Lisa Koll what made her so determined one summer to start training so hard. Although this is by no means her exact words, she said something along the lines of "I wasn't completely dedicated to my running and one day, I made a conscious decision to give it everything I had." That is how I'm feeling right now about my own running. Not that I'm anywhere near as fast as Lisa Koll, but in all honesty, I haven't been as dedicated as I should be...and for some reason, I have hit my breaking point. This past year has been anything but calm for me. I have always had a reason to stray from the focused, simple lifestyle I lived my sophmore-junior year. Granted, some of the excuses were valid. If I had to choose between running a workout at 6am or giving my all to a Tectonics presentation on the Triassic Period in Southwest North America...the Triassic Period will win every time. That being said I've had some not-so-valid reasons as well, such as my love of beer. Well, that's an easier one to fix. NO MORE BEER TIL OCTOBER 16 at 10:33am. I hope the company that makes Blue Moon will understand. Others distractions aren't so easy to fix. Ask anyone and they will likely attest to the fact that I can be rather *ahem* passionate about almost anything and frankly, the only thing I love more than running (and geology) is...love. So, when having to make the decision between running a workout and driving for hours and hours in a rainstorm at 3am...unfortunately I have chosen the latter one too many times. Tonight, it struck me that I'm so willing to sacrifice everything I have worked so hard for in order to help the person I love, but I haven't been willing to completely dedicate my warped sense of compassion to help support myself in my own endeavors. I have put the people I care about before myself for the past year and that needs to end. Don't think this is me trying to act like I'm some selfless person. In fact I'm far more selfish that I want to admit. But, I think that I can say I have done everything I can possibly do for the people I care about, but I haven't done everything I can to make myself the best runner I can be.

For the next 83 days I promise to completely dedicate myself to achieving the goals I have for the 2010 Baltimore Marathon. No more epic cry sessions. No more bar trips to celebrate God knows what or to drown any feelings I have and certainly no more 4 hour drives in the middle of the night! This way, if something goes wrong at Baltimore and I don't reach my goals, I have nothing to blame and can take solace in the fact that I did EVERYTHING I POSSIBLY COULD. All I can do now is completely dedicate myself to my goals and pray that the ones I love will someday love me for all I've done for them and all I've done for myself.

I started this whole marathon dream because of the person I love more than anything and I hope he will be at the finish line to let me know that my dedication to my own goals and the sacrifices I have made for him have been worth it.